Inwriting

What makes people so lonely and desperate for love that they allow themselves to be disillusioned and blind to others on the Internet?So blind and taken by someone that all reason and documented proof that a person is scamming them means nothing to them.A feeling of self-worth, a traumatic experience in their lives, no self-confidence?People are not that naïve to believe it doesn’t happen, you read and hear about it all the time, but to experience it first hand through a friend is unbelievable as to how these people work to bait and lure an unsuspecting victim.

A very close friend of mine who has been widowed for a long time, she is 48, and has a child from a traumatic relationship before that is just that type of person.She lives with her parents as their situation and hers prevents them from living any other way.She is on a pension resulting from several back surgeries and doesn’t drive.We met over a year ago, as we were neighbors.I’m not even sure how we started having coffee and talking now.She became part of my family’s life and looked forward to watching them play their sports and has always been there for all of them.

I feel a little responsible for what happened, as I was the one to suggest a dating site to her, thought maybe it would get her out of the house, meet some new people.After writing her profile for her and posting it she started receiving emails, but would call me yelling “Help” she didn’t know what to say to them.I would help her but when on her own she was lost.She told me one day that she had found a new dating site and could I help her set up her profile, which I did as she sounded so excited.

She received quite a few emails but was especially interested in one from a man in Utah.He was 10 yrs her junior, widowed with a 12 yr old son.I was happy for her but cautioned her because of the distance.A few days passed and she said she had been talking to him on msn early into every morning, and that he had to go to Africa for business for a few weeks.I asked her if she had any pictures and she showed me some of him and his son, his son’s looked very poised and I felt that “gut feeling” but let it go.I had set up her email address for her and she would let me read his emails to her.I became worried when after reading them he was professing his love for her from the start and how they would make a wonderful family and how he would love her and cherish her forever, his writing and spelling didn’t match an Executive type person either.That “gut feeling” was intensifying fast.

One evening I was having coffee with her and she told me she had given him her cell phone number and he was going to call that night, which he did when I was there.The reception was terrible and they got cut off.A strange look washed over her face and I asked her what was the matter, she just shook her head and said nothing really except that he sounded African but it might have been due to the fact he was Dutch and the reception was bad.At that point my gut feeling really kicked in and after leaving her I started searching on the Internet for any articles on Scammers. I was amazed to find that so far in her relationship with this person there were identical traits to people who scam.They meet on dating sites, within a few days suggest they switch and start emailing to a Yahoo address and then say they have to go on a business trip, usually to Africa. These people work from Internet café’s for an equivalent of a dollar a day.There are usually a few educated people available for them to write them love poems or if someone asks a question they can’t answer right away they will have other people find the information.

I didn’t want this to be true as I had never seen her happier so I kept my opinions to myself. A few days later she told me that he had asked for her address so that he could send her a gift.My first response to this was no!, you don’t even know this person, she replied with an “its to late, it was early in the morning and I wasn’t thinking, I just gave it to him”.She said that she received text messages from him but he told her not to respond to that number, as it was his drivers cell phone. Red flags were flying along with my gut feeling and I told her to be careful.That afternoon she came flying in my door, “you have to come see what I just got”, she said.In her kitchen stood the biggest fruit basket I have ever seen, a Teddy Bear, bouquet of flowers and chocolates, she was so happy as were here parents because she had never received that kind of attention before.She was hooked.

I spent hours researching scammers from Africa on the Internet and tried to think of ways to approach her and voice how I felt without hurting her.Maybe I was wrong I kept thinking, maybe its just a co-incidence, maybe he really is an honest, sincere person, but I couldn’t make myself believe it.I asked her if he had given her his address, phone number and the name of the hotel he was staying at in Africa, after all she had revealed a lot of her personal information.She said no but she would ask, I think deep down I wanted this to be real for her sake.

She came to me the next day and showed me the information he had sent her.I expressed my concerns to her and she quite freely told me to check the information if I wanted, she said she was confident that it was all correct, she didn’t believe he would lie to her.

I started with the phone number, did a reverse search in Utah, no such number to be found, but I did find it in California.“Well give the man the benefit of the doubt,” she said, “he may have keyed the wrong numbers”. Agreeing with her I did a search for the address, which I found was a legitimate one, but I couldn’t find a phone number to go with the address.I remembered how my youngest son liked to just type in peoples name in Google to see what happened, so I thought what the heck.After typing in the name she had given me, an address and phone number came up exactly the way he had given it to her. She smiled at me and said, “see, he wasn’t lying to me”.

Not wanting to burst her bubble I picked up the phone, “what are you doing?” she said, I told her I was going to check it out and started dialing, reminding her that she had said he had told her the number was disconnected while he was away.It rang and a young man answered, I wasn’t sure what to say right away so I asked for the name that my friend had given me.I was told, “They were away, but would be back the next day”.I was afraid to look at her as I told her what he had said.I knew she was hurt as I picked up the phone to call the number of the hotel in Africa that he had given her.It rang and a man answered with “hello”, left me speechless for a minute but then I asked where the hotel was located, thinking it was a wrong number he answered with “Ghana”, I said thank you and was about to hang up when he shouted at me asking me who I was, who I was calling.I said it didn’t matter and I hung up.My friend looked like she wanted to cry as I redialed the number and asked for Rm 7b, the number he had given her, they told me to hold on and I passed the phone to her, telling her to take over.She was told that the person was not in his room, they went and checked and could she leave her name.

“You know what “ I said to her, hotels don’t answer with a “hello”, and they have phones in their rooms, just then she received a text message from this person saying sorry he wasn’t there but please sign onto msn.She told me she would do it at home. As she was leaving I suggested she should ask him for a copy of his passport, drivers license and visa papers.She hesitated for a moment and said, “I guess you are right”.I hated doing what I was doing but I no longer believed this man was legitimate.

We didn’t talk for a few days, but I continued researching on the Internet. I found a modeling site in Hawaii that had the exact picture of his son, but with a different name. I knew at that point my instincts were right..When I asked her how it was going with him and if she asked about the paperwork, she said that it was hard for him to send it because the internet connection in his room was slow and that he had been using an internet café to email and talk to her on msn. She then said that if he was scamming her wouldn’t he have asked for money, which she said he hadn’t.She had received more flowers since the fruit basket and said they had talked about him flying to Toronto on his way home with his son to meet her, even suggested maybe he stay at her house instead of at a hotel.I asked what her mother thought of that, she said she hadn’t told her but didn’t think it would be a problem.

Again she had all kinds of excuses as to why he said what he did.Not being a violent person I just wanted to shake her, and yell at her “do you not see what he is doing to you”.Slowly I walked home, not sure of what to do next.It was frustrating, how can you see what is happening and not realize that this man is scamming you, how can you not see that someone can not fall in love with you or you them with just words in a few weeks.

I felt really bad doing what I knew I had to do.I signed on to her email and started reading back from the beginning.I think I should say here that I don’t trust very easily and have few close friends and I believed we had formed a strong friendship, reading her emails I felt that trust slipping away as I realized she had lied to me and her own family, and on several occasions. She had been asked for money, the first time he had asked was about a week after they met and he had just gone to Africa, he had asked her if she had sold the jewelry yet and if so send it to his driver’s address.The second time was a few weeks after that, he claimed his son had broken his arm and could she send him an I pod and PS2 to make him feel better and the third time about a week later asked her if she had made it to the bank to get the loan, again if so to send it to his drivers address.My heart sank as I realized that she had in fact been sending him money, and at that point I wondered if any of it was money I had lent her.

Our visits became less often and I think her parents noticed it as well as she did.They would wave to me and ask me if I was coming over for coffee, it was hard to say no to them and make up excuses but I just didn’t know what to say to her, didn’t know how to spend time with her and be able to look her in the eye knowing what I knew.

One morning she came over and said she needed a break, so I made tea and we talked about different things, avoiding “him”.She asked how I had been since I had rarely been home; I’d been busy with my children with their activities but had also been going out more on the weekends with friends.Then she mentioned that her son had been asking her for money, I told her that she really needed to tell him that he had to grow up and accept responsibility since he now had 3 children, that she couldn’t put herself in more debt to help him.So she said that she was meeting him and his father, which was her first husband later that night to talk.Later she told me that it was only her ex husband and he wanted her to stay and get a hotel room.

A few days past and she came over again, to tell me that her ex husband was pressuring her to give her son money, she said she had it but it had to clear the bank, again I told her to tell her son to grow up, she kept saying that he really needed it though. I knew what she was getting at but I pretended not to.Later that night she came over and said “I hope you don’t think I was asking you to lend me the money, I thought about it after and saw the look on your face” I couldn’t look her in the face when I said no I didn’t even think of it.That evening I checked her emails; she had told this man that as soon as the cheque cleared she would send it to him. She was talking about $1,000. He apparently owed the hotel money and the manager told him he had a week to pay or he would go to jail. The next day she sent him an email telling him how she had got the money, I felt sick.The night she said her ex wanted to rent a motel room she had told me she left and got a taxi home.She had lied.

I didn’t see her for a few days after that till one morning I was coming home from taking my son to the school bus when she came over asking me if I could run her to the store, her mother was asleep and she didn’t want to wait.I was in a hurry as I had to get my daughter to work and I asked if I could pick up what she wanted, she was adamant that I take her and said it wouldn’t take long.I took her and when we got there she said she’d be right out that I should just wait.It wasn’t till I was driving home I realized that there was a Western Union at the store.I felt the tears welling in my eyes; felt used and also felt that at that point our friendship was over.

I spent that evening researching again and talked to a lady who knew who I was talking about, she still had him on her msn, and he had given her the same story but she blocked him.

I knew I had to confront her, which was really hard for me. The last email I read from him was apparently from his son calling my friend, mom and telling her that he loved her and missed her and was scared because they had taken his dad to jail, he said he had paid some of the money.

The next morning I saw her outside and told her we needed to talk, I told her that I knew everything, that I had read the emails. I had tears in my eyes as I told her that I was upset and hurt that she lied to me and her mother, and not only lied but used me even after I had proved to her that this man was scamming her.It was hard to tell her that she had lost my trust and maybe even my friendship.That I needed time to think things out and it was easier to stay away for a while.She looked at me and said she was sorry, she never meant to, but she loved him, but for me she would stop talking to him.I told her she was a grown woman.I then asked why she lied about her son needing money, she said she didn’t, he did need it but this man had text her that evening and told her the hotel story and she did it for this man’s son, she felt very bad for him.

I walked away slowly knowing that she wouldn’t stop, she wo